|Someone Save Me.
||[Apr. 2nd, 2005|02:22 pm]
All Stars Eventually Fade...
I cant stop crying.. I just cant stop... Please just someone put me out of my misery... |
I'm like a leaking faucet... I just cant seem to get myself under control.
Last night was just.. horrid. I should have just stayed home. I mean I
adore the people who I hung out with and it wasn't because of them the
night was so horrible. Its just that why did I think I would have a
good time going to his party? Was I absolutely out of my mind? I know
he really wanted me there, however, I wish I would have JUST STAYED HOME. I wish I knew why I didnt.. instead I payed 20$ just to basically feel like shit. Yeah.. Eryn you have a comp.. April Fools!
The whole time I felt like my heart was in my throat and that I was
going to throw up. I kept myself together though, wanting to hide in
the corner and cry, but I faught off that urge and just attempted to
drink myself into somewhat happiness. Which half worked I suppose. I
made it through the night without breaking down. Not that anyone would
have noticed anyway. Most my friends were so fucked up they were
completely incoherent, so I was basically.. alone most of the night,
except for the occasional new person introducing themselves to me, but
no one really caught my interest all that much.
And then of course.. I walk out of the building.. and its raining, why
did it have to rain? Memories assulted my mind so clearly that I almost
fell over. I could almost see myself sitting on my car, soaking wet and
crying my eyes out, I wanted to cry then and there but I didnt, I just
put my head down and headed to the subway, alone.
I met up with some Long Island kids, which made the journey home a little less depressing and somewhat kept me sane..
Now that I'm home. I'm a disaster. I just want someone here, I feel so completely alone...
I dont know why I have been feeling like this lately, it wasnt just
last night... All week I have been on the verge of tears all the time..
I cant explain it. I keep telling myself these feelings will pass and
that I will start to feel like myself again soon. I think as soon as I
calm down I'm going to call Chino.. god I miss him with all my heart, i
truley love that boy. He always makes me feel 1000x better.